The Kokopelli Golf Stance

----- As a current or future retiree I thought you should be aware of Bob's situation so you can take any appropriate action

....About Bob and his Retirement:It's important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Beverly. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Beverly to get a full-time job along with her part time job both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three, days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean).

I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly-squeezed lemonade, and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Beverly . I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact with and voice less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed, Bob
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EDITOR'S NOTE: Bob died suddenly on May 27th. The police report says that he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club rammed up his ass, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife, Beverly, was arrested and charged with murder. However, the all-woman jury found her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that he'd "accidentally sat down on it"

I have to add to yesterday's entry.

I really enjoy doing walking scoring, being inside the ropes with the players. I didn't mean to imply that because they were working and concentrating that it wasn't still fun. I've never had a bad experience with any of them, even when they were most focused on their game. The least congenial was Phil when he was winning by 1. Nothing could have spoiled that day, walking with the last group on Sunday. Most pros won't start a conversation with the walking scorer, but Deane Pappas started chatting with me before we even got to the first fairway, saying how much nicer it was not only to be playing on the weekend, but to have a late starting time!

Playing a casual round with a pro, though, is way more fun. Even in a pro-am, they're working, maybe not working so hard on their own game, but working on being a host and giving their team its money's worth. Playing with Megan and Karen was different. Hitting from the same tees as the pro, and comparing my game to hers, and almost keeping up a good part of the time, winning a hole or two, hitting a longer drive or two, and hearing her say "nice shot" or "nice par" the way they say it to each other, and generally being treated like they treat each other, and we treat each other. It was very special.

Playing with my Dad, the last time
Playing with my son, the first time
Playing with my wife, anytime
Getting a hole in one, and 7 other eagles
Watching from the 18th fairway, and walking behind Lee and Arnie as they reached the green together, surrounded by 100,000 people in the 50th anniversary GHO past champions pro-am

I'd hate to have to rank all these experiences, but Sunday's round has to be added to the list.

Oh, and the birdies. The Golfing Queen had the first one, but Megan had all the rest. Three, if my feeble memory is accurate. And a couple of burned edges, and a couple of very good par saves.

And one more story. On 15, Megan hit it 2 feet below the hole, and Karen and I were 30 feet past the pin, which was cut in the front, just over the trap which sits between the green and the water. Almost an ace. Karen said "At least we didn't leave ours short."

Megan birdied 16, too. Short on the approach again, though 8^)

just a little non-Golf message Mr Science tho't was important to share . . .

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs......... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls".

It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

They Say: "a new 18-hole championship golf course designed by Gary Panks and managed by Troon Golf. Located in Florence and nestled in the latest Anthem master plan community, Poston Butte Golf Club at Merrill Ranch will offer more than a quality golf experience but a place you will want to call home. The course is a par 72 and offers 5 sets of tees ranging from 5,300 yards - 7,300 yards in length providing golfers of all skill levels an enjoyable experience. Fairway views offer golfers a glimpse of the historic pyramid shaped fire temple resurrected in the 1800's by Charles Poston from an Apache ruin on a butte nearby capturing the spirit of golf in the southwest. Memorable par three holes featuring island greens, stacked stone walls and bunkers stretching from tee to green will captivate players wanting to try it again and again! "

So, Ok, I played with my Inkster Callaway. It would be foolish to make a hasty generalization, but if I could just place this one tho't with Inkster, it would be that I drove the @#$%@#$ out of that ball consistently, but it didn't putt for crap . . . 8^D . . .

Panks has done so many Phoenix courses, it's really too tempting to compare and rank them . . . I think South Mountain is my favorite, then Sedona, then Tonto Verde Peaks, Whirlwind Cattail, Grayhawk Talon, Vistancia, then all the also-rans . . . so would one want to fit this one in ahead of one of those courses, or is it an also ran ? I liked it better than Corte Bella, and at least as well as the other Whirlwind and Tonto Verde courses . . . it share s the trademarks of a Panks course: wide lush fairways, slightly-more elevated tees and greens than normal -- occasionally much more elevated -- and the familiar Panksian greens that are not typically as contortured as by some other architects, but subtly tricky and hard to read. . . I like the way the green complexes are designed, with one side bunkered up to the edge of the green, unlike those illusory Mckinsie-esque bunkers yards-and-yards away from the putting surface, and with the other side full of links-style swales and mounds, if you see what I mean: pick your poison. . .

The condition of the course was perfect, but outside the grassline has the valley-fever-incubator look to it: bare-graded dirt with no remaining vegetation, and none replanted . . . those future houses won't interfere with play, but like Copper Canyon, they will be all you can see instead of the surrounding mountains . . . there's this fine red dirt gravel just outside the grass, too . . . it didn't nick up my club like ordinary desert gravel, more like a very grainy sand trap as large as the fairway; it took some getting used to before I hit a good shot out of it. . .

Mr Science birdied the par 3 #7, which seemed like a very hard green to hit, sorta turtle-backed with a large swale that drained into the large bunker, but it wasn't till # 11 that I really remember anything remarkable about a hole.

The par 4 #11 doglegs left around a large bunker complex, but the landing area to the right is hidden from view, so we were very uncertain where to hit. Our drives wound up at the bottom of the hill -- weak drives, still 175 yards away from the uphill green. There's room there, if you can challenge that bunker a little bit, but no way could we drive OVER it. My 7 wood wound up in the deep front bunker; 2 sand shots, 2 putts, double bogey. Mr Science caught the left edge of the green and made a very good 2putt for par up two tiers.

#14, 15, & 16 are very tough, interesting par 4s of different length, but all had very elevated greens, so that any missed approach became a testy pitch instead of a simple chip for up and down. I bogeyed all 3 that way, but #16 was the most egregious: despite the wide fairway, and on this hole, a very wide plateau of rough on the right, I still wound up in the red-rock-sandy-mounds; I had to walk up 40 yards to see over the mounds in front of me where the pin was, but that didn't help me cuz my 4iron wound up 20 yards right of the green on the wrong side of another red mound; my pitch shot flew all the way to the green, so it rolled well off the other side; my 7iron chip shot from 30 yds away got caught in the swale that drains toward the front of the green and rolled offline to the fringe 20 ft from the pin; oddly enough, tho', I made that putt . . . the only putt I remember making all day.

#17 looks like a signature hole: the famous TPC 17th hole, but the yardage seems less, the green seems even bigger, and the wind manageable . . . never mind that I wound up taking a drop from the flower garden next to the water and Mr Science had rolled practically onto the wooden bridge to the island. Easy Pars.

We both parred the par 5 #18. Mr Science's drive was in the short rough, his second shot was in the fairway, his wedge was on the green, and a 2putt. My Drive bounced off a tree back into the deep rough, but teed up, my 3wood 2nd shot had pro tragectory, straight into the bunker on the left of the fairway, my 3rd came up just short of the green, leaving a miracle chip and kickin par.

Mr Science strolled around (they let us walk, gladly, as we had paid for a cart) to a 41-41=82. His only trouble hole #10, where he felt rushed as he had to fetch his tire-pump for his pull-cart. He hooked into the water, then semi-foozled his next shot, but made a good up-up-and-down from there. I had a 44-47=91, with one blowup hole on the par 5 #13, when my 3 wood, then my sandwedge betrayed me - only a miracle 60 ft lag-putt salvaged the snowman for me after that.

Mr Science confers a 2 upon the course for the excellent condition of the course, in addition to the very able design and interesting layout. To myself, tho', it always comes down to the question of whether it "could" be the best course in the Valley of the Sun. No. Not now, and not when it is covered in houses, neither. A 3.