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Friday, March 17, 2006

 

Mr. Science Golf Lessons


While it is true that our (Mine & Mr. Science's) approach to golf is founded in Calvinistic Principles some consider Austere and Prohibitive, we do follow also some charitable tenets common to the Judeo-Christian, for instance, "It is better to give than receive".

Now you might think a duffer like myself would welcome advice, but my head is already so full of golf tips from years of golf magazine subscriptions that, like Satan, I can quote Scripture to contradict any assertion about the golf swing, so I'm not interested in anyone else's opinion, not even Tiger Woods'.

You can tell, Mr. Science observes, from my swing .

But I restrain myself from giving advice to others, following another famous sub-commandment, "Do unto others as ye would have them do unto you".

Mr. Science, OTOH, with his swing grooved to a consistency that draws appreciative comments from whomever we play with, welcomes comments, and enjoys trading tips. I skulk off to the side of the tee during such interludes, with my fingers plugged in my ears, my eyes averted, chanting "LaLaLaLaLaLaLa" until I think the danger is passed.

Mr. Science perserverates, tho' . . .

Once a player has mastered the grip and stance, all he has to bear in mind, in the brief two-second interval it takes to swing,is to keep his left elbow pointed in toward the left hip and his right arm loose and closer to the body than the left and take the club head past his right knee and then break the wrists at just the right instant while the left arm is still traveling straight back from the ball and the right arm stays glued to the body and the hips come around in a perfect circle and meanwhile everything is mucked up unless the weight is 60 percent on the left foot and 40 percent on the right - not an ounce more or less - and at just the right point in the turn the left knee bends in toward the right in a dragging motion until the left heel comes off the ground but not too far and be sure the hands are over the right foot but not on the toe more than the heel except that the left side of the right foot is tilted off the ground - but not too far and be sure the hands at the top of the swing are high and the shaft points along a line parallel with the ground and if its a downhill lie the shaft is supposed to be pointed downhill too and pause at the top of the swing and count one, jerk the left arm straight down like a bell ringer yanking a belfry rope and don't uncork the wrists too soon and pull the left hip around in a circle but don't let the shoulders turn with the hips - they have to be facing the hole and now transfer the weight 60 percent to the left foot and 40 percent to the right - not an ounce more or less - and tilt the left foot now so the right side of it is straight (that's the one you hit against) watch out for the left hand, it's supposed to be extended, but not too stiff or the shot won't go anywhere and don't let it get loose or you will hook, then let the wrists uncork but don't force them or you'll smother the shot and don't break too soon but keep your head down then hit the ball!

THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!! . .Unless you move your head, then you're screwed !!


But I DID see an interesting blurb in the last Golf Digest I can't wait to try out . . . from Ben Hogan . . . where you make your swing "around" your left leg for Drives, and "around" your right leg for iron shots.

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