The Kokopelli Golf Stance

Played a scramble at McCormick Ranch. Even tho' I was a little rusty, I maintained my training regimen by choosing brekky over the driving range.

I am sorry to report that I found the coffee at the Ranch disappointing; but I am more pleased to assert that the breakfast at the Ranch is the best in the Valley. I had CornBeefHash -- the Golfer's Breakfast! -- and I state unequivocally that this CBH reigns supreme in the valley not only of Golf Courses Cuisine, but of any other establishment in the Valley.

We played the Palms, started on # 9 -- Not the easiest starting hole one could hope for -- but suitably fortified I confidently smacked my ball down the middle of the island. A dang good shot. I know because it was next to Mr. Science's ball, and he looked satisfied. But on our second shot, I lobbed my 100%-certain half-9 iron onto the middle-of-the-green, but it just rolled and rolled off the back into the bunker. And so did Mr. Science. And so did one of our partners, but the other topped violently into the water.

Thus was the tone of the day set. Misfortune beset us and we were nobbled with a TOFU, someone who is Totally Effing Useless, can't hit, can't chip, and can't putt. Mr. Science & I had partnered a scramble 4 some at Kierland to 17-under, so we were hoping for a good showing, even without an Ace. But we were unnerved by the unseemly bogie on the first hole and Mr. Tofu's ineptitude.

It could have been, too, that the course was harder than it looked. It was designed by Desmond Muirhead. But there weren't any amazing, controversial holes: it all seemed so ordinary -- attractive in kind of an Old Phoenix Way, but ordinary. But it seemed to flummox us. Would like to play it again to see if I was just unlucky, careless, or just not good enough.

I call these the Duffer's Rules:

1. Play Fast
2. Stay Cheerful
3. Keep an extra ball in your pocket at all times.

I had found that most good golfers would forgive my other faults for these virtues. But now after Mr. Tofu, I have to add a couple of even more rudimentary suggestions:

• if you tend the pin, don't stand on anyone's putting line -- especially in a scramble!
• before you try to play a scramble, you got to have at least 1 go-to club that you can absolutely rely on 7 iron, 5 iron, 3 wood, doesnt matter.
• don't try to make any putts, just try to put a good roll on the ball -- and you putt first -- you may find this is the way to putt all the time
• don't talk while the other players are hitting

Last of all, in a scramble, the other players will talk about strategy without you, and, they will talk about you as if you aren't there. Don't take it personal, I never have all these years. . .8^). . .

So we were 3 under with 3 left to play, and we vowed to finish 6 under - and get Mr. Tofu his second drive for the tournament, but:

• on # 6 none of us could sneak a wedge over-and-between the humps in front of the green -- par -- Mr. Tofu smother hooked into the bushes on the left.
• on # 7 none of us could get a wedge up onto the tiny back tier of the green -- par -- Mr. Tofu shanked his drive into the water on the right.
• on # 8, a par 3 with all water carry, we had to use Mr. Tofu's drive no matter what. Mr. Science coached him for 3 or 4 minutes on just chipping the ball from our tee down to the ladies tee, which, despite his decelerated full swing, he did manage to do but we were hitting out of the rough. That green slopes at least 6 feet from top to bottom, an impossible 1-putt, but we managed a 2 putt bogie, and felt like a birdie.

So, We finished 2 under, and 17 under won.

# posted by Cactus Dave @ 9:25 PM